I'm Just Going To Sit Here And Say I Love You And Say Hi And Slay And Yass

The efficacy of the Pedro Pascalification vaccine, and the cast of Triple Frontier (2019) doing too much.

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This [redacted] right here.

I have taken all the doses advised by the CDC’s Head of Pedro Pascalification Affairs, Oscar Isaac Hernández Estrada, but I am worried about this vaccine’s 90% efficacy rate. That 10% is coming in fast.

To promote perhaps one of the most (and my own personal) highly-anticipated films of this year, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Nicolas Cage’s other half (pictured above, and so below) was assigned to capture his large Gen Z audience in a TikTok Q&A. I myself do not know how to use TikTok. I have made a few videos and have since forgotten my password. But I digress.

I have yet to see the full Q&A, though I fear I might make a full backslide into 2021 Hyperfixate and let That Man back into the beach resort he built in my mind. The snippets Lionsgate have kindly (and chosen violently) to share have been… something. To say the least.

The title of this week’s newsletter comes from this one:

Lionsgate @Lionsgate

i love it when @PedroPascal1 talks dirty to me

I have two things to say: 1) God Bless Elvira Lind for putting up with Pedro and Oscar sitting around the house just exchanging their Slays and Yass; and 2) as follows:

And so am I. Allegedly.

Don’t even get me started on this one:

Lionsgate @Lionsgate

meow

Pedro once held the crown for Little Mew Mew of the Month (as the kids on Twitter were saying), and if he posted a video like this a year ago, I think more people would care about The Mandalorian. Or at least, Judd Apatow’s The Bubble.

It has been good to see Pedro Pascal up to his old shenanigans. I think it makes up for the amount of screen time David Duchovny out-TikTok-dances him in The Bubble.

Funny enough, within the span of a week, both Oscar Isaac and Pedro Pascal have managed to publicly refer to themselves as “daddy” online. It makes me both wince and recoil and something else I’m not allowed to talk about until the sun goes down or this month is over.

Aiko Hilkinger @aikohwrites

Pedro Pascal and Oscar Isaac need to be stopped

Who do you think won this round? Can there be more than one hypothetical internet “daddy”? And why is it Timothy Olyphant? Let me know in the comments.

As if the cast of J.C. Chandor’s Triple Frontier hasn’t already stressed me out enough this week, the one that dies in the movie, Benjamin Géza Affleck-Boldt (a.k.a Instagram user positiveattitudehunting), was reported to have gotten engaged to Let’s Get Loud at the Inauguration singer and Owen Wilson’s Marry Me co-star, Jenny From The Block. We are living in a noughties re-hashing and I am not complaining. As long as this is all there is to it. No more George W. No more low-rise jeans (unless they make me look good now). I can tell you this though, Ben Affleck’s finsta must be doing BITS right now. And Alex Rodriguez is about to pull up the Coldplay hits onto his.

E! News @enews

20 years later, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are giving their engagement another go.

eonli.neJennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck Are Engaged: Relive Their 20-Year Romantic History - E! OnlineJennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are engaged for a second time, she shared on April 8. Take a look back at the couple’s love story, which began more than two decades ago.

Inside Arthur Harrow’s Sustainable East London Community Hub (and Cult)

I would get kicked out of the cult for being a Boyhood hater.

Last week, we got a sneak peak inside Whitechapel’s hottest new living situation: among thought leader Arthur Harrow (Ethan Hawke). Our man on the ground, Steven from Enfield, reports the presence of livestock, community gardens, surprise footie games, and multilinguilsm all tucked away in this corner of East London.

I wish I could commit to that bit. Perhaps in a few weeks, I’ll write a full VICE Article about housing inside Ethan Hawke’s cult.

I am an episode behind on Moon Knight. Yes, I know it comes out today. And no, I’m not watching it. (Our Wi-Fi has been fickle, and my brother isn’t home yet and he doesn’t want to watch it without me.) I wanted to write this last week, but you know, the whole slowing down thing.

What I’ve learned in the very short time I have and am still trying to slow down, is that I consume a lot of television. A lot of everything. And often times, I consume it passively. I’m the kind of person that always needs something on in the background, otherwise I can’t focus. But recently, the opposite has been happening. I put something on in the background (be it Moon Knight, Breaking Bad for the umpteenth time, or Masterchef Australia), I end up paying more attention to the background noise than what I’m meant to be doing. This isn’t new to me in any way, shape, or form. But I think it’s the first time I’m feeling really affected by it.

I think it’s why I’m so reluctant to really engage with Moon Knight. It’s just a personal thing for me right now. I’ll catch up, for Oscar’s sake. I hear Episode 3 is kind of giving The CW. Let’s go Riverdale!

Lifting My Bernthal Babes Up In Prayer

There goes Ole Jonny again, playing a bad cop. Unlike the illustrious and deranged Shane Walsh of The Walking Dead, this one has blond highlights. I will say no further on the matter. And I will be tuning it. (It looks like a good show.)

HBO Max @hbomax

"We built this machine.” #WeOwnThisCity premieres April 25 on HBO Max.

For All My Babygirls

Me and Kristina (real)

My podcast with the most convoluted title I have ever come up with, A Drip Town Lemory Mane, is back! I’m joined by the Penelope Garcia to my Derek Morgan, Kristina, to talk about this silly little CBS procedural drama called Criminal Minds.

That’s all for this week! Catch you next Wednesday with an all-new Radio Fixate.